It all started with Leah turning 18 on Friday. She requested, as a birthday present, that we let her have the house to herself Friday night to host a party. Since we live in a small house with one living space, we said yes. It would be hard to have a nice party with one’s parents taking up the whole couch. The only rule: do nothing that gets anyone sued, evicted, or jailed. This rule seems to cover most of the bases.
Jon, Axel and I were left needing a place to stay Friday night. We were planning to play a disc golf tournament in Paradise on Saturday morning (a whole 20 minutes from Chico), so we booked a room at the Comfort Inn right near the golf course. When the front desk asked for my zip code at check-in I felt a little sheepish answering 95926.
The tournament, Shasta Series 2015 (#2) at Lava Creek Disc Golf Course, was Axel’s first two round singles tournament. He was placed with random groups of golfers both rounds and had to practice etiquette and good sportsmanship on his own. He got a thumbs-up from his fellow players and even made a 70 foot birdie. I found out about the birdie when I overheard someone say, “Did you see that little kid’s putt on hole five?” Axel played very well and we all had fun.
Axel driving on hole 17 at Lava Creek Disc Golf Course
We came home around dark on Saturday to find Leah still cleaning up after her party. The place looked good but the tile floors appeared heavily trafficked. Leah said she’d had fun. Then, this morning, I found out just how much fun when I discovered the following spreadsheet printout:
This situation reminds me of my own 16th birthday party in which my parents went to dinner and a movie so I could have a pool party. Upon Mom and Dad’s return they tried slip in the side gate so as not to disturb the party. Unfortunately party guests had been ditching their empties in the shadowy side yard, leaving my parents tripping over beer cans and bottles on their way in. I got in no trouble whatsoever, but I suppose that 1992 parents were not so freaked-out about litigation and media shit-storms.
Half of me is furious at Leah for serving alcohol to her fellow high school seniors and concerned that some angry parents will come knocking. They still may. The other half is amused by the hostessing skills. Fruit and veggie trays? Signage? Laying out bedding and pillows?
Ultimately I did what any 2015 amused parent would do and I posted a picture of the spreadsheet on the Internet (after dispensing punishments of course). The Internet was also amused. Two million views later, here are some of my favorite comments:
- Well... If she has her shit together like this, I don't know how I would feel as a parent.
- "Look what we found. I hope you had fun, young lady, because as punishment, you're organizing our next party."
- Axel is clever to have fabricated this and leave it lying around to frame his sister.
- She was classy and cute about it. My 15 y/o parties involved indoor fireworks and cleaning vomit out of unlikely places
- She forgot to write "destroy this paper" on there so it’s understandable why she forgot.
Someone said: "I really have to know how you brought this to her attention. (please say it comes with a video!!!)" So I posted this, which is the actual moment of confrontation (probably violating thousands of parenting rules here so don't break your tongue snickering at me):
The top Internet responses:
- "Okay. Okay. Okay." The fear... I can FEEL it through the texts.
- Oh man that got my heart racing, and I moved out 10 years ago. BUSTED!
- Only time will leah
- Weird, is this how parents yell at kids in the 21st century?
And my favorite: "Are you one of those families that text each other when you are in separate rooms of the house?" to which I replied, "Yes, 21st century intercom."
Needless to say, Leah’s unsupervised use of our house is now cut-off. She’s also landed herself a week-long trip to Grandma and Grandpa’s for Thanksgiving break (rather than staying home alone and spending Thanksgiving with her best friend). I guess she can mix us some holiday vodka gummy bears.